gunsforhire | The Ai, the Thief and Recovery

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The Ai, the Thief and Recovery

Who: Agent Washington (Native), Agent York (Native) and Sigma Ai
What: First meet, coffee and trickery
Where: The Green Fairy
When: Midday
Warnings: Tricks and lies and the possible exposure of both

York is well aware of his habit of being late for things, so he sets in his mind that he's meeting Sigma and Wash at ten to twelve and is rather pleased when he makes it there at five to. He's the first one there so he leans back against the wall and waits for his friend and boyfriend to show up.

This is going to be fun. Ever since Sigma agreed to the facade, he's been grinning every time he thinks about it. That's going to have to stop. If they're going to fool Wash, Sigma's not the only who's going to have to pretend. Fortunately, being caring and protective over him isn't going to be hard to do. It's keeping a straight face that will be the hard part, but he'll give it his best shot.

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"Oh, I want to hear this," Sigma says, nudging York.

Wash settles back in his seat, grinning. He's gonna have way too much fun with this. It's payback time.

"So here's the thing you've gotta understand about York. He is not awake until he's drank about a liter of coffee, give or take. Fuck, he'll get up, walk around, go back to sleep, repeat, until he gets some caffeine in his system. Anyway, one time, I volunteered to make him some coffee, but I guess I was taking too long or something, 'cause he fell asleep at the kitchen table. There was a storm yesterday, and plague clouds aren't good for a cat's digestive system, so one of the cats I rescued felt like he needed to throw up. On York's sleeping face."

"But even that didn't wake him up. He was out like a light. What did wake him up was the beeping of a finished coffee machine, and when he did, he lost his shit."

Wash giggled. "He's a little vain for cat-barf all in his hair. He wakes up, starts swatting at it, and that just pisses off the cat, who decides to swat back."

"Moral of the story? Don't fight a cat when it's early in the morning. Even if you're a pretty good fighter, the cat's smarter. And it'll win. Every time."

York figures out which story is going to be told pretty quickly and he spends the rest of the time giving Wash the best You're So Dead look he possibly can. He kicks him under the table, but it doesn't shut him up. Looks like he's just going to have to endure it.

'I don't know if you've ever seen or smelt cat barf, Sig,' he says as the story concludes. 'But it is the most disgusting thing on the face of the planet, waste dumps included.'

He is so going to get Wash back for this.

Sigma tries to keep a straight face, tries to stay in character, but if the story wasn't enough to make him smile, York's response has him laughing aloud.

"A cat threw up on you? I've kissed that face! What if I'm contaminated now?!" He jokingly pulls away, though without separating their hands.

The feeling that they're fucking with him only grows, and Wash is glad he chose that particular story to entertain Sigma with. Either Sigma is both delicate and a neat freak, but also a tease, or there's something they're not telling him. It's probably the latter.

"Look, it's better to be upfront and honest about your experience with cat barf. Definitely the only way to build a relationship." Wash nods.

York pulls Sigma back and wraps his arms around him, nuzzling his face into the younger man's neck.

'There,' he says, pulling back and looking pleased with himself. 'Now the cat puke that survived the eighteen showers I had at the time and the many I've had in the months since then is all over you.'

The façade has almost completely dropped, but he doesn't really mind. Wash's face is the perfect expression of suspicion and amusement.

"So disgusting," Sigma teases, kissing the top of York's head. "Well now that we're both diseased, we might have to be quarantined together. There's no getting rid of me."

"You know, I think we have a quarantine room back at the base.."

Wait. That was sarcasm. Sarcasm? From York's delicate flame? Wash is wondering how delicate this guy really is. Never mind the fact that Wash let the base slip. That's probably a mistake. Oh well. Sigma didn't catch the last one, maybe he won't catch this one. Maybe.

'Stuck with you forever.' He hums thoughtfully, then shrugs and kisses him on the nose. 'I guess there are worse fates.'

He kicks Wash under the table again. The guy is great for a lot of things, but lying and holding his tongue is not among the list. At least in this scenario.

Wash is definitely looking confused and more than a little suspicious now. Maybe it's time to spill.

"Joined together by cat sick. Who would have guessed?" He asks. "Please, show me this base. I'm curious."

Two kinds of people have secret bases: childhood friends, and mercenaries. And though he's mostly joking, he hopes York will give him an honest answer.

Oh shit. Wash looks over at York, eyes wide, as if to say, you're the smooth talker, get us out of this!

'Hey, come on. Can't give away all our secret hiding places,' he teases, ignoring Wash after a split second's glance at his expression. 'Where would we hide if a Bond villain came after us?'

"We? Does this make me one of your Bond girls?"

He doesn't notice Wash's face, just York's and the hint of nervousness that flashes across it.

"And if so, would I have to save myself?" Would he even know he was in danger and had to do so?

"Nah, I'm pretty sure you've just gotta be really seductive and beat York at poker, which isn't hard to do." Wash relaxes and milks this James Bond thing for all it's worth. "But if York's Bond and Sigma's the chick, who am I? M?" Probably not. Wash isn't nearly severe enough to be M.

'I'm better than you at poker,' he shoots back, trying to not stick his tongue out. 'You've got the worst poker face ever.'

'You're better than Bond girls,' he says to Sigma. 'If you had to be one, then Vesper, but you're even smarter and cooler than her.'

He turns back to Wash. 'No way are you M. Way too serious. Hell, you could be Bond, I never said I was him. Actually no. You're the villaim with the cat. Just because of the cat.'

"Maybe you would be Q," he muses to York. "Smart. Quirky. Good with your hands."

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The Ai, the Thief and Recovery

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