gunsforhire | Of Helmets, Bananas, and New Boots

"And you're smiling just thinking about it. Why is it so hard for you to admit that you may possibly, that there is the slightest chance of you doing something that does not involve a sibling, or making money to feed a sibling, or studying to get a better job to take care of a sibling? Because the all-sacrificing martyr act? That gets real old real fast."

Mostly because it's supposed to be Omega's job, and Delta chafes at it so much less. A little because it's obnoxious as the proverbial.

And if Delta thinks his brother is messing with his head, perhaps Omega should oblige him.

"Stop," Delta says firmly, angrily. He twists to glare at Omega over his shoulder. "Just stop. I love my family, I love caring for my siblings. God, does it just make you made that I'm content living like this? Putting them first?"

It's a fight they have often enough. Too often.

He sighs and shakes his head.

"How much longer until you leave too?" Delta asks quietly. "Until you pull an Alpha and walk off and leave this all to me?"

Omega slams his open hand down on the table, hard enough to make it shake. "For the last time, I'm not going to leave you. There's a difference between putting them first and having nothing else -I couldn't leave you if I wanted to!"

Which Omega does not, just for the record, not that Delta will ever believe him.

"How much longer before you break? Because you can't even leave, you have nothing outside this house!" Yes, he's yelling, and no, he doesn't care. "How much longer before I'm stuck here with you -and it can't be that much longer, you won't even eat lunch, Sigma practically has to beg you to read a book! How can I trust you to take care of them when you won't even take care of yourself?"

Omega does not start up the old argument of Alpha leaving or being taken. He's not going to let Delta distract him from the issue at hand.

"God you're so stupid!" Delta shouts back, furious. "This is about the stupid milkshake!? When I came home that day I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an apple for my lunch. I didn't want Sigma wasting his personal funds, which he has so little of, to buy me lunch. God you think I'm so stupid as to not eat?"

He wants to throw something at Omega. Hit him. How dare he?

"I don't have time to read a book right now because we need the money to afford Sigma's birthday present. Because my helmet is failing and it needs replaced and we can't afford that," Delta continues. God why is he such an idiot?

"I can take care of myself. And Gamma. And Theta and the twins. So when Epsilon goes and Sigma goes and you run off, I'm going to be able to keep taking care of my siblings. So don't tell me I'm not capable of taking care of myself. And I don't need to talk to some random pretty-boy in a helmet shop to feel half so fulfilled as I do taking care of my family who I love."

So instead he glares at Omega, furious. "This family would fall apart without me. And then they're you. The guy who can't even hold a fucking job for more than a few months. Already you're looking for something new. By now you could be something better than a guy working on laying a foundation. Instead we live paycheck to paycheck because you don't allow for anything else. If you had the choice you'd have me tear up the checks that come in the mail from our 'parents.'"

Omega stands up, slowly. Delta is right. Delta is mostly right. But that doesn't mean he's going to let him get away with it. "Yes, if I had a choice, I would," he says, as calmly as he can manage. "I'd do a lot of things differently if I'd had the choice. I'd have gone to school, gotten certified in something, maybe even a degree. But I had the seven of you to feed and clothe and put the lights on for, and as you said. We live paycheck to paycheck. At least when I jump ship, I get paid better. I don't hear you complaining then. Would you like to try to find me a job? Or would you like to stay in your cozy little bubble where it's my fault because somehow working ten, twelve hours a day isn't trying hard enough?"

Okay, so that was not in the slightest what Delta's message had implied, and now Omega feels guilty, which just makes him angrier. He hadn't eaten lunch that day, aside from what he mooched off Kim. Air filters are expensive.

Omega stays calm, lets the anger fill him up and lend him strength. He measures his words out carefully, not saying anything he'll regret later. After all, he's just telling Delta what he's seeing. "And yes, you've made very sure the family would fall apart without you. But you're so happy with it. What has it cost you, to have your professors and the ladies at the daycare and Theta's teacher look at you and say, 'there goes Delta, who gave up everything for his family! How noble, how good, how admirable he is! Truly, they would be lost without him!' So forgive me for not standing in line to tell you how wonderful you are, to have fallen into your happy little life that you love so much."

Low blow, perhaps, but no lower than Delta went. Has he forgotten the things Omega had confided in him so long ago? Does Delta truly think Omega wanted things to turn out this way? That Omega somehow cares less about them than Delta does? The thought, that Delta holds such little regard for Omega, freezes his blood and curls his hands into fists.

"Do you regret it now, throwing him out?"

"How dare you?" Delta growls, eyes narrowed.

The only things he's ever done is for his family. He's given up everything for his family. His hopes. His dreams. His goals all thrown through the window because the only thing that he could do was provide for them. Instead of having what he wanted, he took a job that he knew would pay. Always pay. Something that could help sustain them.

He gave up everything and he did it because they needed him. Because Omega can't even begin to manage money properly.

No.

"Getting rid of that rat in our midst was the best plan," Delta says, his voice cold. "But if you think you can do this without me, then say the word. I'll leave to. Because clearly all you want is to be the one. Be everything Alpha refused to be. So if you're going to do this, if you're just going to throw me out because just once I took the chance to talk to someone who would understand how weak and powerless and broken I feel every morning when I wake up, then just do it. And maybe then you'll see how much this family needs me, and respect that. And maybe you'll understand how much I need my family."

Because without them to live for he is actually, actively useless. Without his family and what he is to them, what is the point to even waking up in the mornings.

"You fucking asshole," he curses under his breath. "I don't want or need anyone else because this is my home. This is my family. What I'm doing isn't noble or good or admirable, it's the way I get through every single day from sun up to sun set!"

Now Omega is confused, and that really just makes him madder. Not too mad to see that Delta appears upset, and not too mad to ignore it. So before he hauls off and slaps his brother silly -not that he'd ever do that, but oh is he tempted sometimes- he goes back over what Delta said.

It is all patently ridiculous. Can't Delta see that what came out of his mouth made no sense? What did Omega say that was even tangentially related to those accusations?

"Don't put words in my mouth," he says, unfolding his arms and grabbing the back of the chair. "I never said we didn't need you, I never said I could do this without you." That's perhaps something he doesn't say enough. That's on him.

And that's a realization that tastes bad in his mouth. Breaking the chair isn't going to make him feel any better, this isn't something that happened because he wasn't strong enough to change things. This is something he did, and he shouldn't take it out on Delta but he does.

And so he tells Delta what is the truth, at least from where Omega stands. He's learned that often, that can be the cruelest thing of all. "This is you home, and this is your family, and what you do is more than anyone should be asked to do." This is what Omega asked him to do. "Because this is so much to ask, we worry about you. Because you don't ever complain, we wonder what you're hiding." Okay, so Sigma is getting thrown under the bus here, but Omega suspects he might have primed the pump, so to speak.

"And if our concern for you has upset you, you have my most sincere apologies," Omega spits. They are not sincere apologies. They are thinly-disguised curses. "I thought you seemed happy to have met someone. I thought I saw you smile. Clearly, I was wrong."

Omega hates himself, almost before the words leave his mouth. He just tried to upset his brother, no matter how Delta takes that the intention was there, and that leaves him feeling...dirty.

"I don't believe you," Delta answers simply.

He shakes his head and walks to the kitchen door. "The problem, Omega, is that you don't understand me. And you've never tried."

Annoyed he walks away. "Pick Theta and the twins up. If anyone needs me, I'll be up in my room working."

"Hey, I'm not finished with you!" Omega grabs Delta's shoulder. "Where do you think you're going?"

There's no way Omega's going to let Delta wander off and stew.

"I'm finished with you," Delta counters. "Let me go, Meg. I have to work. I can't... I won't just stand here and let you make me feel like shit."

Did Omega he wasn't going to yell? Because now he's yelling. "I made you?" he asks, waving a finger in between them. "I made you? In the last twenty minutes, you've called me selfish, you've called me an idiot, called me a liar, and now you're running away because I told you the truth?"

He lets go of Delta's shoulders, tries not to loom over him too much, because there's a line and he's not going to cross it just yet. "You don't get to bite my head off then stomp off and sulk! God forbid I attempt to show some interest in your life!"

Omega had tried, he had made an effort, but if Delta wanted a fight, Omega was going to oblige. "You wonder why I worry, you barely talk to me for days and then blow up in my face! Don't blame me for what you brought upon yourself!"

"You don't have interest in my life," Delta rolls his eyes. "The only thing you've asked me about my life in the last three months is about a single man I knew for less than twenty minutes. You don't ask me about classes. About Work. About whether I would like time off. Sigma, in the space of a half an hour decided that he was going to force me to take a break."

No, Omega brought this on him, and he's done with this.

"The only thing you care about in my life is how I make yours easier, how I help you. Because if you cared about anything else, you'd ever ask about the things that matter to me.

Omega laughs, he can't help himself, because of course he's not going to ask if this is how Delta reacts. "I was trying to avoid this exact situation, goblin, it's impossible to have a conversation with you!"

Omega deals in tangibles, in twins picked up from school and floors vacuumed. He'd thought that was good enough, but apparently he was wrong. "And honestly, how much have I seen you in the last weeks, I've been working around the clock for you! If I didn't care about you, I'd tell you to do what I did, quit school, and get a real job!"

Does Omega have to spell things out in neon blinking lights? Apparently. "Of course I don't ask you about those things, do you know how much you talk? It's a lot! Of course, if Sigma decides you need a break, then he's a flippin' saint, and if I try to give you one, suddenly you have work to do or you need the time to study! How thick can you be?"

"Maybe the last thing I want to do is disappoint you by not working every bit as hard as you do," Delta mumbles under his breath.

Omega doesn't waste time on friends outside of work. Omega doesn't look for relationships. Omega has never done anything but put everyone else first. And Delta... Well, how could he do anything but live up to that standard?

"I'm getting a real job, Omega. Another semester after this one and I'll graduate and I'll have a real job with a salary and we can have it that much easier. I'll actually be able to really provide. I don't have the strength to do manual labor. I don't have the interpersonal skills to do work that would have me interact with a lot of people. But I can do numbers. That's all I have to sell for my family."

It's his only hope for making Omega proud of him.

Omega is still mad enough to spit, and possibly set a few things on fire, but he can put it aside, box it up and save it for later. Instead, he pulls Delta into a hug, tight enough that Delta's glasses bite into his shoulder. "Of course I'm not disappointed in you, D," he says. "The very idea is ridiculous."

Omega needs a new job, one where he gets to break things, because there is no way he's going to survive another semester and a half otherwise. "One more semester," he agrees, pretending he doesn't know how hard it is to get a job. Maybe, in Delta's line, it isn't. "We'll survive one more semester. We've done it so far." He lets Delta go, looks him in the eye. "You and me, we'll take care of everything, right?" Omega tries to give Delta an evil laugh.

He really hopes he hasn't broken him.

The second he's in his older brother's arms Delta's arms are right back around him, hands curling into Omega's shirt.

He almost hates himself for needing this. Actually hates himself for saying the words to put him here. But... God what else could he expect? There's been a lack of reinforcement that what he's doing is the right thing for years. It's not something Omega is good at. Well, no, that's not true. He's great with the little ones. They never doubt him or his love of them. Delta?

Delta just tries to prove himself, time and time again, to the brother who decided when he was eighteen that he was strong enough to take care of what had then been five siblings, pretty much all on his own.

That doesn't change the tension between them. The fact that for him Omega lets go too soon and that his instinct is to immediately control himself, put back together that composed expression that he faced the world with.

"We'll take care of everything," Delta agrees. "And I promise to resist the urge to spend tomorrow working."

Delta looks okay. He probably shouldn't be okay, and Omega thinks he might be faking it.

"Hey, you know I can't do this without you," Omega says, lightly punching Delta in the shoulder. "I'm serious, all this? Every thing you do?" He waves his hand in a circle, encompassing the housework that never ends and taking care of the kids, everything Delta does. "I'd drown everyone in the bathtub in under a week."

Omega can go about three days home with his brothers before he starts feeling like he's suffocating. He loves them, he really does, but he just isn't wired to do the same thing day in and day out. It makes his skin itch, and he doesn't understand how Delta does it.

Maybe Delta just has a longer fuse, and he's finally reached the end. That makes sense. Omega just caught him on a bad day, it's not his fault. Omega didn't cause this.

But the fact remains that Delta doesn't need Omega, just his paycheck. "We're going to be okay?"

"We'll be okay," Delta agrees weakly. All he wants is to sit there and actually talk to his brother. But he's too scared to ask. He fears the no.

"I... then I do a good job?" he finds himself whispering anyway. "I just want to help you."

He wants to be a good older brother, he wants to help his family.

And just like that, all the anger comes right back, because how has Omega managed to drop the ball so epically? "What? Who said you don't? Of course you do, when was that even a question?"

Does Omega have to commit fratricide? Who could possibly have said that Delta didn't? Not Sigma, they just had that Delta Appreciation Party. Perhaps they should have invited him. "Did I not just say, ten minutes ago, we'd fall apart without you?" Omega knows damn well that he did, because Delta had called him a fucking asshole for it.

He hugs him again, because he doesn't know what to say, just a whole bunch of things that will make this worse, and words made this mess in the first place. Time to try something else.

"No one," Delta answers. "But... no one ever says I do well."

Not even the people Omega said did. No one dared speak, Delta figured that was because no one wanted to acknowledge to his face how he was, sort of, a mother to six smaller siblings. He just keeps going, though. Because they need him as much as he needs them.

"If we both promise to be the mature adults we're supposed to be... can we talk?"

No, they cannot talk like mature adults, that sends off so many alarms in Omega's head. Did they not just prove that either Omega doesn't say the right words or Delta doesn't listen? And whenever anyone reminds Omega he's supposed to be the adult, that means he's in trouble.

But Delta is his little brother, and Omega would do anything for his little brothers and sister. Especially one he's just let down on that scale.

So he doesn't make any jokes, doesn't attempt to bribe Delt awith chocolate. "Of course. Why wouldn't we?:

Delta returns to the kitchen table and sits down. One he's sitting he looks down at his hands, licks his lips because his mouth feels so dry.

"I...I've never talked to anyone about... being like I am. I guess... I guess that's why I can't get this York guy out of my head."

He tries so hard to hide his condition, to not let it hold him back. So opening up to someone like that was... Not empowering or comforting, but strangely comforting.

"I went into Smithson's this morning. He wanted me to check back in and make sure the repairs were holding. I tried to pay him after for the inspection but... Whoever this York guy is, he told Smithson to put any necessary repairs that I bring in on his tab. I don't understand."

Omega pours them both iced tea, because this is his life now, taking advice from a centuries-old cartoon. Tea is supposed to make everything better, yes?

He sits down across from Delta and slides over one of the glasses. "I don't either, sparkles. Did he say anything when you were talking to him?"

This is not a problem that can be fixed with tea and cookies. Omega can't even see the problem here. Delta met a nice guy, nice guy paid for his helmet repair, saved them some money. York picking up the tab for any future repairs is a little weird, but as long as he doesn't know where they live or creep Delta out, Omega doesn't see the harm.

"Maybe he doesn't like to talk to people either."

"I don't think that's it," Delta answers, taking the iced tea and sipping at it. Not his favorite, but he'll drink what's put in front of him. "He was... really social. The second he had dealt with Smithson he was smiling at me and starting a conversation. I..."

He sighs and shakes his head. "I may have implied that the helmet repair was expensive and that I couldn't afford a replacement. I bet that's the only reason he paid. Pity."

That disgusts Delta and he shakes his head, looking away from Omega. "Which makes sense, of course. The only reason a sociable, attractive guy would talk to me is because of pity. Even with an eye lost he was still slumming it to pay attention to me. Probably didn't bring anything to read and thought he was going to be bored."

"No, no, clearly he likes to talk. But perhaps he doesn't like to talk to people about his eye?" Delta certainly doesn't like to talk about his hearing, which is just about the only thing he doesn't go on about.

Omega taps the table to get Delta's attention. "You're working backwards. He started talking to you. He didn't know what you were getting repaired or how much it was going to cost. So what could he have to pity? Can you think of any other reason a sociable guy like that would talk to you?"

Omega can think of a few, but Omega talks to strangers all the time, out of boredom. Which is not pity.

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